The Loving Push by Temple Grandin and Debra A Moore

How on earth did I miss this book when it first came out? One of my wonderful savvy parents brought it to one of our sessions and told me I just had to read it. She thought it would really speak my language. Boy, does it. I salute the authors' ability to discuss and guide parents to be validated in the importance of continual challenges in ways that are manageable AND in the individual's best interest.  Frequently, I will have one parent who pushes their teen or young adult over the edge of competency, assuming they're lazy, assuming manipulation or simply that they need a severe kick in the pants. Then I have the other parent, who worries about over-stressing their child and therefore over-compensates, making life easy and comfortable.

This book is a beautiful mix of how important it is to gain connection through empathy while then deliberately challenging with high and continual expectations. This combination can guide your teen or young adult to venture out of their comfort zone and into the rest of their lives.

I highly recommend this book to any parent of a teen or adult with autism. I'm only half way through and will continue to update this page with favorite quotes and words of wisdom from within it's pages.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Push-Professionals-Spectrum-Successful/dp/1941765203

"If you want a road to lead you somewhere different you have to change too. If you don't change where you are going, you will continue going where you are headed." -pg 7

"Remember that children or adults with high levels of hopefulness have been through adversity. Hope does not spring from contentment or security. They house of hope is built brick by brick - calamity upon hardship upon mishap upon mistake. With each trial, our children have the opportunity to develop their resilience, skills, flexibility, and adaptability. These trials provide necessary occasions to struggle and grow. And in doing that, they learn how to believe in themselves." pg. 48

C2U plus Synchrony

 

C2U^® Plus SYNCHRONY

developed by Barbara Avila, M.S. RDI^®

Consider  C2U^® plus Synchrony as a stand alone intervention that must happen for all children with autism to adequately receive and integrate any of the traditional interventions we have today (e.g., ABA, DIR, RDI, Social Thinking, and more). C2U + Synchrony ensures a child's true joint attention with his or her guide to keep her safe as she experiences her world around her. Developmentally, she must feel that security to then explore both independently and with others. With Synchrony, she learns the beauty of back and forth engagement and connection with others to learn and love. The earlier the better but this can happen starting at any age at any time with any trusted guide.

In autism, children have significant regulation and sensory issues that make this early connection, learning, and joint attention challenging. Therefore, they resort to their own devices for regulation (e.g., repetitive actions or verbalizations). A child with autism will seek familiar and repetitive patterns to attempt to soothe him/herself. It is our goal with children with autism, to ensure connection and repetitive engagement from a developmental standpoint to then redirect them to more meaningful soothing, while learning and engaging with others.

C2U^® with a child with autism takes significant, purposeful, and artful engagement from the guide. The purpose of this blog is to guide you to guide a child (or person of any age) with autism to connect with you and your guidance.

Step 1: Provide the environment for connection

In order to truly be curious and receive curiosity from a child (C2U^®), a child must trust his guides to provide manageable environments for him/her to connect and be guided. The first environment for connection should be quiet and relaxed with as little additional stimuli as possible. OR when a child is struggling with overstimulation, confusion, or otherwise seeming to be feeling “chaotic,” this quiet, calm scenario can be provided by the guide (e.g., in a busy environment, taking the child to a quiet part of the room or outside or simply well away from the offending environment).

•Quiet space

•Decrease clutter, including your own voice and visual stimulation

•Define the space visually where you are staying together (e.g., a couch or a room)

Step 2: Be calm while sharing the same space

Children with autism can vary moment to moment probably due to neurological or biological reasons. This requires us to truly be in a place that we are calm, collected, and settled in our own bodies. This may mean sitting beside the person or child with autism and listening to your own heartbeat, your own breathing. Allow yourself to breath deeply. Not only will this help you, it will help the child by your modeling breathing and not making immediate demands on him/her. This allows the child's attention to shift, his body to calm, and his availability more possible.

•Breathe

•Slow your own body down

•Say nothing

•Sit down

Step 3: Offer engagement “bids”

Children with autism are often used to people telling them what to do and/or trying to get them to respond a particular way that is either right or wrong. The performance anxiety in both scenarios can be high which can decrease interest and motivation to engage with others. Here is your chance to offer “bids” for engagement that are non-threatening, not performance based, simply bids to connect.

•Offer your hand out near the child

•Touch

•Lean in toward the child (or away)

•Say the echoed statement back (if being requested to do so) but in an ever so slightly different way... slowed down or with a lower or higher pitched voice than you typically might.

Step 4: Allow time for and recognize engagement (C2U)

Here is the most beautiful moment of all. This is where the child responds to your bid for engagement. Sometimes you have to wait a significant amount of time (offering your hand out and simply being in the moment for up to a full minute while you offer). That moment that the child gazes or shifts or reaches out to you is the most rewarding moment of all.*THIS is C2U®.

Step 5: Establish Synchrony

You know that moment when you are in a conversation with a friend and it is just flowing well? You feel truly connected to the person and the conversation topic. As mentioned in the beginning of this article, connection with a repetitive pattern is our goal, just like in a fluid conversation but here we are meaning nonverbal back and forth shared engagement. I like to call this “synchrony.” Synchrony implies that all are parts are working equally and efficiently to engage in a rhythmic pattern. This is also called co-regulation in developmental literature. An example of a co-regulated pattern with synchrony is the game of peek-a-boo. 

So following your first bid, your second bid should be to establish this synchrony. If you offer something now that is very incongruous with the first bid, you are out of synch with the last action (and the child). If you offer something very closely related, you can connect and establish synchrony, a rhythm of engagement that repeats while changing and evolving into completely different interactions and learning.

Step 6: Keep the Synchrony as you Redirect

Yet another moment of serious enjoyment... with the child responds to you and you respond to him in ever evolving ways and you feel truly connected. This is where so much of the art of engagement comes in. Your job is to expand and evolve the engagement while keeping the synchrony AND provide new experiences for learning and growing. If you have an activity in the other room that you would like to teach your student or child, this is the time to share the schedule or visual of the next activity and start moving physically toward the door with a rhythmic or synchronized pattern. This may be VERY subtle and your student may not find it meaningful for you to be too overt in the process. Some like it (e.g, chanting as you walk)! Many need to have an active and physical role to remain in synch with you (e.g., a heavy laundry basket to carry from one room to the other) or holding your hand).

Step 7: Either re-establish C2U^® or start allowing moments of disconnection and reconnection

Depending on the child and level of engagement you have achieved on a given day, you can have more moments of allowing the child to have more moments of independence (using you as a base). Allow these moments of freedom to explore and engage with materials you are providing, as you are able to join in momentarily to guide, teach, expand the child's thinking. If you are NOT able to join, teach, or expand, it is time to re-establish C2U^®. Go to step 1 or 2 and repeat.

Example activities with C2U+Synchrony

1. You sit down, relax, breathe, and then hand your child something for him to shift his attention to you (C2U) and the item, and do whatever he wants with it. You then keep handing him items for him to do whatever he wants with the items (the goal is synchrony).

2. You bring your child to the kitchen telling him you need his help with the dishwasher. You take both of his hands in yours and allow shift of his attention (C2U) then say "hi," then hand him a plate from the dishwasher to put away. You repeat the pattern with dishes to him, periodically checking with bids, gaining moments of C2U just to share how much you like his help, while achieving synchrony in your work together with multiple plates. 

3.  You go for a walk with your child, stopping just before you walk out the door for a moment of C2U before you walk together in a synchronized manner to be silly, smooth, or simply keeping in step with one another. Periodically, you stop, pause, or slow down to check in (allow the shift of attention to be to you - C2U) and share something you see, hear, touch.

*If the child is used to simply responding and/or requesting as their only means for communicating, s/he may respond “robotically,” in this moment. This is NOT engagement. We are specifically seeking moments of engagement vs passive responding or compliance.

Shouldn't we be linking early childhood objectives with long term quality of life and employment!?

I truly believe that our targets for early intervention, early childhood special education, and school age education for children with autism are all wrong.

Today, I am creating a rating scale for some of my wonderful adult clients, for what it takes to be an excellent employee. We all know this stuff....ambitious, hard working, humble, a good communicator, a good team player.

I work with a fabulous program looking to integrate these key attributes into their daily curriculum with and for their young adults who have gotten themselves to adulthood with serious deficits in these departments. I look back on their Individual Education Plans (IEPs here in the United States) and see goals about turn taking in conversation at least 2-3 times. I see goals about following 2-3 step directions verbally and/or visually. I see goals about them greeting peers. And I know that they have been prompted and scripted each step of the way. They are doing these things because someone told them to, not out of personal conviction.

We are seriously underestimating the ability of these little ones to engage, learn dynamically, share their creative minds with others even before they have chance. We assume they need rigorous practice on what... matching shapes? being compliant for the sake of being compliant? following a script for engaging with someone? Seriously?

I sit here imagining these "Great Employee" attributes in  Individual Family Service Plans and Individual Education Plans. There would be goals such as "...will take action above and beyond what is expected of him/her for a classmate (e.g., pick something up that a classmate has dropped, brings someone else a cup of water when getting one for himself)" or "....takes pride in his/her own work towards a goal/project/activity versus just the end result," or "....adjusts to new situations and reasonable demands (appropriate to age and sensory needs) with curiosity and drive to learn."

Yes, these seemingly lofty goals are also harder to measure but seriously, folks, I think know we can figure that part out. These goals put more on the adults surrounding the child to figure out how to arrange the environment for opportunities. But just imagine those classrooms with more children with these types of goals! Wow. We might just have a workplace of tomorrow with people who value being great team players and great employees instead of simply compliant beings. And what? Happier children who feel helpful, valued, supported. What a concept for all children. Not. Just. Autism.

Video Tutorials by Barbara Avila of Synergy Autism Center

I have released 5 videos to the public for FREE! I have learned too much over the last 29 years in the field of autism to keep inside my own thinking. Please find them at www.synergyautismcenter.com

These are the most common topics of support to parents I see. My goal is to educate you to educate parents to feel confident and knowledgeable about autism, development, and strategies that work. Enjoy and if you want more? I am available for individual consultation, trainings, and workshops. Call us at 503-432-8760 or email us at synergyautismcenter@gmail.com.

Barb Avila

The ABCD and E's of True Connections

My daily professional life entails trying to figure out better and better ways to help people understand and truly connect with their loved ones on the autism spectrum with all the love and respect we all deserve and cherish.

Everyone starts from very different points of origin. Some parents never had any experience with children prior to having their own children...and have a child with autism. Others have uber amounts of experience with children and even autistic individuals (e.g., siblings, parents on spectrum) before having children or becoming teachers or guides of some sort. Some people think they have read every book or know all the tools & techniques but still - they do not have true connections. Parents almost always echo my concerns about early attachment. But the research says that children with autism have attachments that are very similar to the average population. I am still trying to figure out how a baby who has serious sensory issues that cause challenges with social engagement through touch and eye gaze can possibly have typical attachment, but that will be for my doctorate thesis, I guess. I do know very clearly that people with autism, or autistic individuals, have every desire and capability of truly connecting with his/her parents and loved ones. It just takes a little more patience, a little more time, and a lot of practice, and a lot of consistency to ensure this for a person on spectrum to learn and grow through that connection.

I am a fan of acronyms and short phrases. It may come from my own memory issues and need for them for my own processing. But it seems many of the parents and professionals I serve find them helpful, as well. In fact, several have urged me to write this one down, so here I am.

Here is my latest acronym or mnemonic device for how to practice ensuring true connections with someone you love with autism (and guess what, it actually works for all children and even all adults)....

A is for Attitude Check yours at the door. If you are not in a calm place, neither will your child/loved one when you try to approach him/her.

B is for Breathe. And keep breathing. Model staying calm with this tried and true technique. The more you keep your heart rate and breathing in check, so will your child/loved one.

C is for Curiosity. You will need to be curious about what your child is thinking and feeling even when his/her behavior may frustrate you. One of my favorite phrases is "turn frustration into fascination." Allowing yourself to let go of the frustration and simply wonder why your child may be angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, or confused, will not only settle your overall approach (making you more approachable) but also allow you to learn more about your child's behaviors and how to help your child find alternatives.

D is for Down to Business. After the ABCs listed above (and only after)... then you can truly get down to business but not a minute or second sooner. Only after you have checked yourself, ensured your breathing and regulation, and moved into being curious about what your child is thinking and feeling can you then get down to business with the activity you had in mind when you approached your child or loved one. This means the task takes a BACKSEAT to the ABCs. Please remember this.
It is not DABC. That would just confuse people.

E is for Engage. Now think of engage as a mechanical term. If two gears that are spinning fast, not connected, and spinning on their own, they are not in the position to engage those gear teeth to one another. You can think of people in the same way. You simply cannot engage someone else when you or they are spinning alone, not slowing down to seek connection. And then to keep those wheels/gears in motion, you have to regulate your speed together to ensure the gears keep connection and motoring along. So if something derails your interaction, even after initial interaction, slow down. Go back to through the ABCDE process above, starting again with A. And don't forget to breathe.

If I had a prescription pad, I would be writing you a prescription to go use these ABCDEs with someone you love who does NOT have autism first. Feel how it feels. Then go to connect with an autistic individual. It may be just that easy but my guess is that you may have to slow down a little more, be a little more curious, and ensure a few more practice sessions before you have the trust necessary. But I know you will get there with these simple ABCD and Es.

Enjoy one another.

Barb

Learning to Wait

Learning to wait can be one of the hardest parts of childhood. I remember having to wait in line at the bank (before ATMs). I clearly remember trying to hang on the velvet cords and being surprised when they would crash and clatter to the ground loudly, embarrassing my mom and older sister. In those days, we had to be bored, creative with our time, and/or interact!

Make Waiting Fun

Now days, we all have different ways of entertaining ourselves when we wait. Most people are seen on their cell phones in lines, etc. But what is that teaching our children about waiting with either happy or simply bored anticipation? Not much. There are lots of ways you and your kids could make waiting fun this summer so that your child learns new ways to entertain him/herself.  You might even try practicing waiting on purpose so you can have these fun opportunities! And if they simply have to be bored for 5 minutes, pat yourself on the back that you allowed them to be. Then find time everyday to all them to be again. This builds their own resilience, self-exploration, and truly builds connections in their brains.

Ideas for Wait Time

Call it "waiting," and have it be associated with something fun at first...you can play: 

*"I spy" 

*Shared drawings 

*Pat-a-cake 

*Tell a shared story 

*Sing a song together 

*Create a new handshake 

*Play hangman

*Count something

PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE. Consider having a theme of waiting for 1 week in your household without devices. Maybe you create a silly song to sing before things are just handed to them... to encourage waiting in a way that is manageable and creative.

Moving from Autism to Synergy

Moving from Autism to Synergy

I named my business "Synergy Autism Center" to convey the fact that the stereotype of "autism" is derived from its root word "alone." I worked hard to find the opposing concept of what it means to travel life alone.... the closest I could find is to travel life experiencing moments of synergy with others to aid in your learning, loving, growing, and finding yourself.

We see “Synergy” business logos plastered on the sides of vehicles and buildings in our world today. Companies want to quickly share with you that they encourage a collaborative process at their company. They are telling you that they foster synergy in the delivery of services to you, the consumer. They are making sure you know that they believe that they can create something for you that is even greater than the sum of each parts or people alone, through their business practices. Yes, this feels overused and I have certainly battled that overuse fact over the years. However.....

Synergy invokes a visual of cogs working together in motion. The beauty comes when you realize that each cog may be a different size and have different attributes but reaches out to engage and interact with the other cogs to set things in motion. Synergy requires each cog to connect physically with the other cogs to make something happen.

Here at Synergy, we come to families with knowledge of both typical development and autism. So I ask you to take a moment to think from a developmental perspective for a moment. Imagine a young child (really try to visualize this moment, if you would). The child reaches out for a trusted caregiver’s arm when the caregiver is talking with someone else across the room. The child may be vocalizing while touching his caregiver’s arm. The caregiver may disengage with the other person and turn to engage with his child who is bidding for his attention. Each is a cog and now they are engaged. The synergy between parent and child has begun. The interaction may be very brief to secure something the child wants, but often, with very young children, the interaction, the engagement, is now in motion in a back and forth sequence. There is a rhythm to that engagement as each cog responds to the other as they work together to achieve a whole that is greater than each of their own sole energies.

Now try to imagine a young child who is either simply quite content to play on his own with toys, not frequently reaching out for his parent. When the parent reaches out for that child, the child may struggle to shift from what he is doing to engage with his parent. The initial moment of those cogs connecting is awkward or disjointed. 

We typically allow our children to initiate that synergy with us, without even having to make it a conscious decision. We simply focus on the tasks at hand of keeping our child safe, fed, and well rested. The child initiates the synergy for engagement. However, sometimes, that child has a sensory or neurological system that makes that synergy between parent and child a bit more chaotic or awkward. Excellent parents allow the independent exploration and honor the child’s need for solitude or less engagement. They notice that the child may become overstimulated if they try to engage too much. They notice that the child pulls away when they try to initiate the synergy with them. They are respectful parents who honor what they think is the child’s message to be left alone. So they do except when the child needs or wants something tangible.

However, now imagine that this child is experiencing the world more fully than anyone you have ever met from a sensory perspective. Imagine that the child has a sensory system that works differently and may be more sensitive. The child still is motivated to interact but is simultaneously feeling and sensing the world around you more richly and sometimes in seemingly more chaotic manner. Many adults on the autism spectrum report this as their experience.

By understanding and respecting the child’s experience, we can offer engagement and connection with a whole new approach: slowly, deliberately, allowing processing time, and with respect. We can now allow the child to shift his attention from whatever it is that he is doing or observing to you, his guide. We allow the child the time to seek those moments of connection. We can now allow the child time to connect to you so that synergy can begin.  Now that we know that the child is motivated and how to engage that child, moments of connection and subsequent synergy can be created. Through synergy with his parent, he is able to learn more naturally and more fully, borrowing energy and information from his parent to then try out and maybe even create synergy with other children and other trusted adults now and in the future.

By ensuring synergy between parent and child, we support the development of joint attention and reciprocal engagement. Then, the interventions that are chosen for that child (ABA, RDI, DIR, etc) are more effective and tailored for that child within his family culture. True synergy at a higher level has now also been initiated for and with that child.

Please see Kristie Pretti-Frontzak's B2K Blog for more on this subject as we created synergy together to share with you.