Learning to Wait

Learning to wait can be one of the hardest parts of childhood. I remember having to wait in line at the bank (before ATMs). I clearly remember trying to hang on the velvet cords and being surprised when they would crash and clatter to the ground loudly, embarrassing my mom and older sister. In those days, we had to be bored, creative with our time, and/or interact!

Make Waiting Fun

Now days, we all have different ways of entertaining ourselves when we wait. Most people are seen on their cell phones in lines, etc. But what is that teaching our children about waiting with either happy or simply bored anticipation? Not much. There are lots of ways you and your kids could make waiting fun this summer so that your child learns new ways to entertain him/herself.  You might even try practicing waiting on purpose so you can have these fun opportunities! And if they simply have to be bored for 5 minutes, pat yourself on the back that you allowed them to be. Then find time everyday to all them to be again. This builds their own resilience, self-exploration, and truly builds connections in their brains.

Ideas for Wait Time

Call it "waiting," and have it be associated with something fun at first...you can play: 

*"I spy" 

*Shared drawings 

*Pat-a-cake 

*Tell a shared story 

*Sing a song together 

*Create a new handshake 

*Play hangman

*Count something

PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE. Consider having a theme of waiting for 1 week in your household without devices. Maybe you create a silly song to sing before things are just handed to them... to encourage waiting in a way that is manageable and creative.

Moving from Autism to Synergy

Moving from Autism to Synergy

I named my business "Synergy Autism Center" to convey the fact that the stereotype of "autism" is derived from its root word "alone." I worked hard to find the opposing concept of what it means to travel life alone.... the closest I could find is to travel life experiencing moments of synergy with others to aid in your learning, loving, growing, and finding yourself.

We see “Synergy” business logos plastered on the sides of vehicles and buildings in our world today. Companies want to quickly share with you that they encourage a collaborative process at their company. They are telling you that they foster synergy in the delivery of services to you, the consumer. They are making sure you know that they believe that they can create something for you that is even greater than the sum of each parts or people alone, through their business practices. Yes, this feels overused and I have certainly battled that overuse fact over the years. However.....

Synergy invokes a visual of cogs working together in motion. The beauty comes when you realize that each cog may be a different size and have different attributes but reaches out to engage and interact with the other cogs to set things in motion. Synergy requires each cog to connect physically with the other cogs to make something happen.

Here at Synergy, we come to families with knowledge of both typical development and autism. So I ask you to take a moment to think from a developmental perspective for a moment. Imagine a young child (really try to visualize this moment, if you would). The child reaches out for a trusted caregiver’s arm when the caregiver is talking with someone else across the room. The child may be vocalizing while touching his caregiver’s arm. The caregiver may disengage with the other person and turn to engage with his child who is bidding for his attention. Each is a cog and now they are engaged. The synergy between parent and child has begun. The interaction may be very brief to secure something the child wants, but often, with very young children, the interaction, the engagement, is now in motion in a back and forth sequence. There is a rhythm to that engagement as each cog responds to the other as they work together to achieve a whole that is greater than each of their own sole energies.

Now try to imagine a young child who is either simply quite content to play on his own with toys, not frequently reaching out for his parent. When the parent reaches out for that child, the child may struggle to shift from what he is doing to engage with his parent. The initial moment of those cogs connecting is awkward or disjointed. 

We typically allow our children to initiate that synergy with us, without even having to make it a conscious decision. We simply focus on the tasks at hand of keeping our child safe, fed, and well rested. The child initiates the synergy for engagement. However, sometimes, that child has a sensory or neurological system that makes that synergy between parent and child a bit more chaotic or awkward. Excellent parents allow the independent exploration and honor the child’s need for solitude or less engagement. They notice that the child may become overstimulated if they try to engage too much. They notice that the child pulls away when they try to initiate the synergy with them. They are respectful parents who honor what they think is the child’s message to be left alone. So they do except when the child needs or wants something tangible.

However, now imagine that this child is experiencing the world more fully than anyone you have ever met from a sensory perspective. Imagine that the child has a sensory system that works differently and may be more sensitive. The child still is motivated to interact but is simultaneously feeling and sensing the world around you more richly and sometimes in seemingly more chaotic manner. Many adults on the autism spectrum report this as their experience.

By understanding and respecting the child’s experience, we can offer engagement and connection with a whole new approach: slowly, deliberately, allowing processing time, and with respect. We can now allow the child to shift his attention from whatever it is that he is doing or observing to you, his guide. We allow the child the time to seek those moments of connection. We can now allow the child time to connect to you so that synergy can begin.  Now that we know that the child is motivated and how to engage that child, moments of connection and subsequent synergy can be created. Through synergy with his parent, he is able to learn more naturally and more fully, borrowing energy and information from his parent to then try out and maybe even create synergy with other children and other trusted adults now and in the future.

By ensuring synergy between parent and child, we support the development of joint attention and reciprocal engagement. Then, the interventions that are chosen for that child (ABA, RDI, DIR, etc) are more effective and tailored for that child within his family culture. True synergy at a higher level has now also been initiated for and with that child.

Please see Kristie Pretti-Frontzak's B2K Blog for more on this subject as we created synergy together to share with you.

When RESETTING is essential to progress

We can sometimes get really excited about progress forward and forget the very foundations that need to be steadied, reinforced from time to time, or simply given a bit of time. 


I speak with so many parents about events which can set a person up for challenging behaviors. These can include noisy and/or busy environments to performance anxiety levels. If a child has made nice progress over a bit of time, s/he may hit a plateau or even seem to take a nose dive on progress. However, time and time again, barring neurological disruptions, when given time to return to the basics of relationship building with guides, the person comes back stronger than ever before. 

I think we all can relate that we sometimes get to a point in our lives when we feel we have to scale things back, take a look at priorities, and "reset" our systems.

Please take some time now and again, when things seem a bit chaotic, to take a step back to spotlighting the relationship you have with your child or student. We NEVER go wrong by taking time to strength relationships and connection. Here are a few tools and techniques to remember:

1.  Slow down. When you feel frantic, your child probably feels it 10 fold. Slow your heart rate, your thinking, your movements. S/he (and you) will benefit greatly.

2.  Talk less.  At any given time, you should only be talking as much as your child or student is talking. If s/he is silent, take the cue. If s/he is talkative, you may be able to use more... but be sure you find a balance and leave openings for your child to share his/her thinking with you.

3.  Partner. In small moments throughout your day, whether it is a day to follow your child's lead or s/he is more interested in following yours, find authentic ways to partner authentically. Carry things together. Open boxes together. Cut a piece of paper while one of you holds it and the other cuts. Make a bed together. Mix a cake together. Read a book together so that s/he has an active role to turn pages or read parts s/he knows.


4.  Assume intent.  S/he may make a statement or comment to you that seems out of context or something you know s/he knows the answer to. Instead of answering EXACTLY what s/he asked/said... consider thinking about what s/he might have wished to say but her words got in the way. Maybe s/he was simply trying to connect with you, engage you, but his/her words came out differently because they are such habit or neurologically wired to come out that way. Consider sharing something with your child in that moment, instead. Experiment and again, try to assume s/he means to connect, engage, join you vs. push you away. S/he just might be anxious or feeling a bit chaotic, which may get in the way.

5. Co-regulate. This is a term from typical development research. I also call it "creating a partnership with a rhythm "or "creating synchrony." Whenever possible, try to create moments where a partnership can continue beyond just a one time interaction. Turn taking is inherently easy to do this with but so is turning pages in a book (multiple pages) or stirring something you are cooking together in the kitchen or handing each other something to put in/on something else. Creating rhythms really highlights both the interaction but also each of your responsibilities to keep it going.

6.  Body positioning.  Use your body to help guide her to know what s/he was doing or should be attending to. S/he may not always respond perfectly to this but s/he sure responds to it more often than not. If s/he leaves an area, go move your body to be between him/her and anywhere else... holding your arms out slightly to guide him/her back to what s/he was doing. If you know s/he may leave, position yourself before s/he goes, to create a nice clear boundary for your child's attention and focus.

Best wishes to all of you!

Barb
503-432-8760
bavilaconsulting@gmail.com

From quiet-routine to the choatic-unexpected: The Cat In The Hat

All of us have different levels of enjoyment or even functionality in increasingly busy situations. Some of us do our best with quiet, routine, and fewer unexpected changes. Others of us do best when we have a nice balance of time alone, quiet, routine mixed with occasional social, busy, and novel experiences.

Still others of us seek and thrive on the unexpected, busy, chaotic, and always on the go lifestyles.

I know that I have always considered myself someone who thrives in change, novel, and I am incessantly curious. However, the more I have gotten to know myself, I simply do not function well without some significant down time full of quiet, routine, and decreased demands on me.

Take a moment to think about which one you might be.  Are you the fish that is nervous about all of the change and chaos or the cat who thrives on it? Maybe you are a little of both depending on the other stresses in your life at a given time.

Through my experiences with people with autism, they vary quite a bit, of course, but tend to be more on the thriving best under quieter, less dynamic conditions. Please remember that this tendency does not mean the person does not seek new, novel, intriguing experiences to learn, grow, and develop. We may just have to ensure a the new experiences in learning are manageable and not overwhelming into a realm causing stress and confusion.

Take some time this month to play with the levels of dynamics you are offering and when. If you are teaching a new game to your student or child, consider dropping all words except those that are absolutely essential to the game. You may see a huge change in your child/student's ability to integrate that new learning. Try eating a meal or snack with your child/student. Put music on, start talking more than usual. Observe not only your child/student's reaction, but your own. Is it easier or harder to focus and interact?

This month, we will be using the book The Cat in the Hat by the wonderful Dr. Seuss, to guide our activities. The book demonstrates so well the fear and anxiety that is provoked with the unexpected! Other topics that are explored, which you can too, are:

1.  Adding small changes or additions one at a time, deciding when too many is too much! (e.g., play ball with just one ball then add more and more until the two of you are feeling a bit overwhelmed, then deliberately remove one ball at a time until it is back to just one).

2.  Anticipation of what will happen next on each page (what will the Cat to next!?)

3.  Opening a box that you do not know what is inside... the anticipation, excitement then playing with whatever you had put inside for the discovery to happen.

4.  Saying "no!" for self-advocacy purposes... and sometimes needing to say it again more clearly (and ensuring others respect this answer).

5.  Cleaning up after oneself after playing (always a good one!)

And of course there are TONS of resources on the internet for fun activities surrounding this book:

PBS Activities Online and Printables

Dr. Seussville Online Games and Educator Resources

A printable maze for the cat to find his hat!

Specific activity ideas:

Creating a list/visual representation of rainy day activities vs. those you can do when it is sunny

Writing down words that come up frequently (e.g., cat or fish) on separate pieces of paper to then highlight when they come up when reading it

Make a recording of reading the book out loud.. for future listening more independently

Make and wear hats like the cat's

Playing ball

Making a cake

Hanging things on hangers (helpful around the house, too!)

Pouring water from one container into other containers (e.g., teapot) and measuring amounts

Tying and wearing bow ties and red ribbons in your hair

Using a rake in the yard for a bit of yard work

Carrying and balancing things on a tray (be careful to start with non-breakables!)

Making and flying a kite

Oh there are so many many many more ideas from this book!  Have fun and add here, if you feel so inclined! I and others would love to hear and share ideas!

Barb

2015: Promoting Curiosity and Exploration

"The future belongs to the curious. The ones who are not afraid to try it, explore it, poke at it, question it, and turn it inside out."

I loved being a kid. I remember poking things to see if they would move or change, adventuring to new locations, and simply touching fabrics in the store to see how they would feel as I trailed behind my mother and sister. These little moments of curiosity and discovery were significant learning events and too numerous to count. 

I find it fascinating and perplexing that one of the hallmarks of autism seems to be a significant difference in the experience of that CURIOSITY and subsequent exploration.  

When I mention curiosity, I am talking about that drive and that thirst for knowledge the propels us into the unknown with excited anticipation. That understanding that if we keep going, even when unsure, we may learn something new that will make life more interesting, engaging, efficient, or enjoyable. This is certainly not the "rule," but a generality, of course.  I meet people everyday who have autism who are certainly curious about many things, but those things are often decidedly different things than many others around them. And...honestly, this is exactly why I absolutely love so many of the people in my life who have autism. Their experience of curiosity is so different than my own. It seems so much more fragile most of the time.... until it takes hold. Then once it takes hold, it is a more powerful drive than any other for that person with autism. A child who may seemingly be so solitary and disengaged who then learns everything there is to know about trains or bridges. Then there are nonverbal children who may seem to not be paying attention who can manipulate any lock or electronic device.

Our human existence depends on curiosity combined with healthy common sense. For some reason, we are not yet fully able to understand, autism changes the brain's drive for knowledge and seemingly, the ability to perceive typical amounts of uncertainty as welcome challenges. 

Instead, uncertainty is often met with a drive for certainty, sameness, and a reduction of challenges to calm the internal system. 

Therefore, when a child's drive and thirst for knowledge (or intrinsic motivation) in not at full throttle, we are left following their lead versus being able to lead them into new realms of exploration and learning. Following a child's lead, of course, is necessary much of the time for early healthy attachment and development. However, the tables do need to turn (so to speak) for a child to learn from mentors, guides, and teachers in his life about the world and himself. 

A child's intrinsic motivation must be present for true learning to take place. Otherwise, we resort to trying to motivate a child using external motivators (rewards) for behavior that becomes more compliance based, lacking the drive for further investigation and learning.

Our goal for children with autism should be to:  

1.  Connect first - find out what motivates them, where they are with regulation and interest

2.  Provide tiny everyday moments to expand thinking and curiosity about the things that matter right then, in that moment (e.g., if they are lining up cars, add a truck - is a part of the schema? add a duck - is it the color that matters or the vehicle?) 

If you are truly curious about your child's mind, chances are, your child will propel himself into that curiosity, too.

3.  Continue to expand that curiosity and create a back and forth rhythm to your engagement and stretching of that muscle into next activities, new experiences, and new learnings.

Here is a positive article on promoting curiosity with children with autism, however it does seem more geared for fairly verbal children.  The concepts are clear, however, I just recommend using much less verbal language due to auditory processing needs.

"Curiosity is the wick in the candle of learning." - William Arthur Ward.

I will put this in "autism world terms," that intrinsic motivation must be at the root of learning. Beautifully, everyone's curiosity (or intrinsic motivation) is different. It is our job to spark or light that curiosity in children with autism in a way that feels manageable and intriguing!

Our themes this 2015-th year will center around books and poems written to spark that curiosity and intrigue while the hard work will be in the smaller moments between you and your child or student with autism. 

Questions?

Barb Avila

503-432-8760
bavilaconsulting@gmail.com

Theme for December: Anticipation

Hello Mindful Synergy Guides!

I hope that your American Thanksgiving will be peaceful, restful, and enjoyable. Somehow, I missed how we suddenly went from August to now December! How did that happen?

For November, we focused on "giving thanks," and supported students and those on the autism spectrum to think about and use the habit of saying "thank you," when you receive something from someone. Please continue this practice, as it will take them further than you may realize, with friends, neighbors, colleagues, and strangers.

We now move our attention to giving and receiving but highlighting the excitement JUST before one opens the gift! So get all of your creative juices flowing on the creation of holiday gifts for others... while focusing on a new foundational objective that is near and dear to my heart.

The foundational objective I would like for you to highlight for your student or child is the anticipation element of giving and receiving gifts. Waiting is one of the hardest skills for children to learn and one of the most exciting when there is a potentially pleasurable outcome! I think about that moment when holding a child's hand and you are looking at one another, about to see what is behind that door or in that box or what will happen when you touch that or jump off that.... that back and forth anticipatory engagement look is precious!  And so rarely enjoyed for and with a child with autism.

Across your day, choose moments when you can draw out (highlight) the moment of anticipation. When you are about to open that door, pause and connect with your child or student... gaze to one another to share the anticipation (NOT to have them mechanically request "open, please)....enjoy that moment with your child, even if brief. You can name that feeling if you'd like: "exciting," or "curious," if appropriate to your child's/student's level of communication.

Then when you are creating or choosing gifts for others, wrap them up and when you give them... do the same highlight on that excitement, curiosity, and anticipation of the other person opening the item. When receiving, take just a little longer to enjoy the moment of anticipation instead of tearing into that paper and wrapping.... to enjoy and savor that gorgeous moment of anticipation.

Happy giving. Happy receiving. Happy moments of anticipation.

Barb

Gratitute can change your life!

I love this addition to our thinking about guiding  gratitude with people with autism!

THE SOCIAL BENEFITS OF GRATITUDE
By Philip Watkins, 2014

"We believe that it is because grateful recounting trains cognitive habits that in turn enhance happiness."

I personally grew up Catholic and we would say a thankful prayer to start our meals together. I am no longer a practicing Catholic, but find it very centering, calming, and collaborative to still say what we are grateful for to start our meals at home together as a family. It is a common recommendation to families with whom I work, to state 1 thing you are each grateful for today. If a person is not able to verbalize, there are other ways to help them communicate (e.g., visual supports, providing choices/options, and possibly to simply state a moment you observed them in their day being peaceful and seemingly grateful for something).

I am grateful for each of you and your mindful guidance of those with autism.

Barb Avila