We are going to continue the theme of giving thanks by focusing our attention on an essential manner of saying "thank you."
When I first started in the field of autism, I was pre-having my own child and very behavioral focused in my approach. I was very structured and no-nonsense. Therefore, when asked if a child should learn to say "please" and "thank you," I would usually say that I did not feel it was of utmost importance due to it being a nice-ity and very social based.
Soon, I had more experience with more children, teens, and young adults... and soon also had my own son. I learned that the students who were taught "please" and "thank you," were often the most integrated into general society. I still felt (and feel) that it was silly to have students try to "fit in" and still feel that it is our job to better understand autism while being more open to the variations of experiencing the world - vs. our changing their responses. However, when it comes to social graces, I have to say I think they are extremely valuable gems that all student with autism and without should be taught. Imagine ANY child who says "thank you" next to a child who simply takes what they want. The child who hesitates a moment to look back toward the person (not insisting on eye contact here), and saying "thank you," is a welcome guest in many situations. That same person may need to take a break or leave a busy or loud situation... and people surrounding him/her will be more accommodating just by nature.
Many of you are probably familiar with Temple Grandin. She is an amazing woman who is a designer of livestock handling facilities and a Professor of Animal Science at Colorado State University. She also has autism. She speaks internationally on both subjects. Temple Grandin states: "When I was a child, I was expected to have good table manners and to say “please” and “thank you.” She advises parents to teach both "please" and "thank you," attributing her learning these to her mother, Eustacia Cutler, who also speaks about her experiences of parenting Temple Grandin.
I am including a very short video clip of how to say "thank you" in American Sign Language. I try to include a visual each time I say or use the wording, to provide full communication to those with autism. You can choose to teach your student to use the American Sign Language sign or a visual phrase of "thank you" written on a piece of paper or another visual provided (e.g., Board Maker or PECs visuals). I like using the sign due to its ease of use in any situation when another type of visual may not be available/handy.
As a reminder, we continue the 2 other very important foundations for social and learning engagement... as these are always going to be two of our foundations for guiding:
1. Connecting at the beginning and at points within your activities. Be sure to remember that your connection with your student is MORE important than ANY task or activity you are doing. If your student cannot connect with you - meaning seeking your guidance, information, and knowledge in small moments of connection, then anything else you do will not be fully heard or integrated into your students' learning. They will either be in independent or compliant mode. Neither allows for you to truly engage and guide attention to new knowledge.
2. Making sequencing known and something to involve your student in understanding. If you are always the one to sequence the day's activities, the steps to accomplish something, etc, when will your student learn to do so themselves? Involve them now, so that they see and understand the importance and the order of things. This is one significant step in being able to tell time, follow a calendar, follow a daily or weekly schedule, or more.
Let me know if you have questions, additions, or thoughts to share...
Barb
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